He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
