Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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