I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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