I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
