your thong is hanging out like whoa
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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