So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
