I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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