i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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