im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
