Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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