Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
