yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
