Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
