i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
