Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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