have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
