i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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