What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
