I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
