Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
