I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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