i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
