Just fell off a train. Bad.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
