he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
