I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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