I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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