I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
