this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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