We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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