I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
where are you?
Hypothermia
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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