i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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