dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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