there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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