Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
