Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
