Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
