Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
