Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
