Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
