yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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