I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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