Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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