You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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