In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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