I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
