God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
