i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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