Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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