we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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