I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
