He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
