It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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