the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
