Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Boobs speak an international language.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
