I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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