I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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