I forgot how hot balto sounded
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
