I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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