So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
