she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize