My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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