I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
