Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
