While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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