I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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